Dear Parent Advisor,

I have a lovely 10 year old daughter with a disability, but she can be the most stubborn child on the planet.  "No" is her favorite word, and anytime she doesn't want to do something, she puts up a fuss.  How can we start the New Year with harmony and peace?

Sincerely,

~ Stressed Out Mom

Dear Stressed Out Mom, 

Kids! You have to love them! Many parents are arguing with you right now saying that you are wrong, that THEIR child is the most stubborn on the planet.  Having a child who exhibits stubbornness can feel very challenging to your parenting skills.

There is hope!  And there are many resources for you as a parent to check out.  Behavior is a 'language' or a way of expressing an emotion that the child cannot articulate because she does not quite understand it or she doesn't have the words for it.

When you see a toddler having a temper tantrum at the end of the day, and a tired parent trying to get something for supper on the way home from work, the toddler is saying "Mother dear, I am hungry and you should have planned this day better." Behavior is language.

Being stubborn is another expression of language.  Here are some tried and true tips: 

1. Give clear, specific directions.  Many children find transitions from one activity to a new activity hard, and it's easier to say "no" than to change.   Structure to the day helps, and talking about the upcoming change helps children prepare themselves for the transition.  (The TV will be turned off in 15, then 10, then 5 minutes, then off).
2. Be consistent (which is easier said than done).  When a child figures out that yes means yes and no means no, she may still argue, but you can calmly carry on with your expectations.  When the "no" happens you can say, "Remember we talked about this and no is not a choice."
3. Have a positive attitude, and express appreciation when your child is cooperative.  Staying calm and using a calm voice helps convey the positive attitude.   Make positive words outnumber the critical words. (Use 5 positives to 1 negative.) 
4. Set the example of a positive attitude and behavior because actions speak louder than words.
5. Have patience and enjoy your lovely daughter.  She's learning how to live in the world, and she's not quite there yet!

Also, here are some sites to check out that share strategies you can add to your parenting skill repertoire.

• Love and Logic 
• Some Useful Articles about Special Needs and Parenting 
• Stubborn is…as Stubborn Does, an article from the National Down Syndrome Congress
• Positive Parenting 

Remember that the only behavior you can change is your own.  Stay positive and remember that each New Year brings opportunities for new growth…for everyone!

Sincerely,

The Parent Advisors at PEAK Parent Center

Please feel free to contact a PEAK Parent Advisor with your questions today, by phone at 719-531-9400 / 800-284-0251, or by email at  This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

 

PEAK Parent Center www.peakparent.org - New Year's Special Edition 2012 SPEAKout Newsletter

Copyright 2012 © by PEAK Parent Center, Inc.  All rights reserved. Permission to reproduce may be obtained from PEAK Parent Center.